This week was rough for me. Seems like most weeks the last several months have been rough and perhaps it has become my new “normal”. I was struggling with not being good enough and I know that scripture says that I am but I don’t feel like it sometimes. I can be so hard and judgmental on myself and yet full of grace for others. Yesterday all I heard God saying was to Love “Myself”.
How do you do that?
He reminded me what love was.
It’s not a feeling, it’s an action or choice that we make
sometimes we have to make it several times a day with the same person.
For me that person is myself
To extend myself grace, forgiveness, patience as I fail over and over again and how about to never give up on myself.
I could go on but I do know what Love is and that is a whole other discussion that I may pick up another time.
So as I walked through a difficult day I tried to think of how I could love myself. For me it meant laying out under the stars last night for a quiet uninterrupted moment with God. To admire his craftsmanship in the sky and just let my spirit be one with God. As I laid there I began to hear God speak to me in his soft whispers of the heart.
He told me to stop looking at everyone else, He said your all on the same team and yet you all look at one another only to say to yourself that your not as good as them.
You ever catch yourself reading someone’s post or hearing someone else speak to find that the ugly green head of jealousy has creeps in to your heart. I know I have, in fact I usually go on with I wish I could write that well, or speak that good. Heck you could throw anything in there. We all have those things we wish we were better at and every time we see someone that we perceive as better than ourselves we find that green snake hiding within us. I don’t know about you but I don’t like to see it and sometimes I even try to shove him out the door or in a closet and pretend he was never there in the first place, I keep telling myself that there is no need to compare myself to others and that God made me just the way he wants me. Its ok if I am not as good as so in so but really deep down I am still disappointed with who God made me to be and the talents he’s given me.
Realizing this, I had to take it to God and deal with this sneaky snake that’s been lurking in the corners of my heart. I know he is just waiting for the opportunity to strike me at the core when I least expect it. I’m so tired of being bitten by him and I really want to do away with him once and for all.
When I asked God about it this is what he said to me
Monica, You are all on the same team why can’t you see it like that?
If you were playing soccer and your teammate made a goal would you be jealous or would you rejoice because your team scored?
I would rejoice!
This is no different than that, see I have created my children to compliment one another on the field of life just as you would pick your team mates to compliment each other in a game.
Some of you play forward and your going for the goal all the time and yes it looks more glamorous than defense. But my defensive players are just as vital to the team. Defensive players are in a position to make the great save to keep the enemy from scoring they are my prayer warriors and the people you run to when you need a shoulder to cry on.My offense are the ones everyone sees the most because they are out there going for the goal to reach the lost.
My midfielders probably have it the hardest. See they are constantly running back and forth across the field directing the mission but never getting the big save or scoring the goal, but with out them there wouldn’t be a game. These people prepare hearts of others to receive the gift I have to offer. They keep the communication open between the offense and defense. They are in the heart of the game even if they don’t get recognized.
But lets not stop there what about the coach and the “water boy” every good team needs a good coach. I have called some to be just that for my team. They lead my players and lay out the plan with the mighty hand book of rules and guidelines I have given. Their job is to train my players the ins and outs to the game. They also encourage and correct when it is needed. The water boy or girl is also a valuable part of the team and I think you may know where I am going with this one. In order for a team to function at its best they need to be hydrated and served. These people I have given the gift of serving. They love to host and fill people’s physical needs. Sure you could function with out them but not very well.
Lastly there is the team’s athletic trainer. They are the ones that come into the field of play when someone is injured. They check you out to make sure everything is working correctly before you return to play and if its not they direct you to receive healing. They are gifted with the ability to spot an injury and provide treatment. We all get knocked to the ground at some point in the game. Some of us get back up right away and return to the game. Some are shakin up and come out for a bit to rest and regain confidence. Then there are those who are injured and must take time to heal before returning to the game. Sitting on the sidelines is not always fun but to protect against further injury and being pulled out permanently the time must be given to heal.
Monica I want you to look at life like its a game and others as if they were your teammates. When they do something you think is great don’t look at yourself and think I wish I could do that. That is not your position and only you can do your position. Instead cheer them on for they just made a great move for the team. The same team you are on! Their Victory is your victory so if you change your perception of life’s circumstances then you rid yourself of the ugly green snake that lingers inside.
So here I am reevaluating my thoughts on the issue and I realize the truth that God is speaking to me. But I also realize something so much more. I’ve been injured and have had to sit on the sidelines for quite a while it seems. But now I can see that it is necessary and has a purpose. He wants to put me back in the game but he is also concerned with my strength and ability to keep up with the game. He does have big plans for me, he is just preparing me for them.