When you meet someone the first thing they generally want to know is “Who are you?”
I’ve thought about who I am and what my response has been in the past and what I want my response to be in the future.
In a sense I get to choose who I am but often times I let others define me.
So let me tell you a little about me.
I love to smile and charm the people around me. I encourage lift up and support the people in my life. I know how to appear confident and as if I have it all together. But the cost of all that is: no one really knows me. No one knows my deepest fears or deepest wounds. No one really knows what makes me laugh or what burns my buttons. So when I let others define me and all I let them see is this fun loving, happy, got it together kind of gal then the cost to me is loneliness. I wind up trapped in my own illusion of who I need to be in order to be loved. I have witnessed many people doing the same thing running in circles on this hamster wheel of life looking to the person next door to compare lives with or looking at the news media to see what is acceptable and what is not.
What if I accepted myself for who I really am instead of being embarrassed or ashamed of who God made me.
I am really the one who judges myself most of the time. I falsely think or read into others perception of me far more than I should. Even if I am right about it, how others perceive me doesn’t really matter because God is on my side and his grace is big enough to cover my biggest mistakes.
So I will go first with a glimpse of who I really am
I am a child of God
Beloved and precious in his sight
I don’t always believe it and my greatest fear is not being good enough
For having God reject me is death to my soul
I know this is a lie but it still haunts me
There was a point in my life where I believed it and gave up
I wasn’t strong enough but God picked me up and showed me the truth and now when the enemy haunts me
I remind myself that there is nothing I could possibly do to separate myself from Gods love
He has claimed me from the lost and found box
He has bought and paid for me, to never be returned
No on can steal his love from me
The only way I can lose it is if I reject it and walk away.
Even then when I return, his door is wide open with a welcome party waiting
I don’t know of anything else on earth that I can do that with and perhaps that is why the concept is so difficult for me to wrap my brain around.
So how about you? What is your greatest fear for “real”? and does anyone else really know?