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Happy Birthday To Me!

Dear God,

I am so thankful for me!

The way that you have created me

The family that you have given me

How I look when you look at me

The things that I love to do

and the things I hate to do.

The things that bring tears to my eyes

and the things that bring life to my eyes!

All of these things are a part of who I am and who you have made me to be.

YOU have molded me and shaped me into who I am today….

Right now………in this place in time.

I want to thank you God

For the life I’ve lived thus far

For the good times and the not so good

For the things that have made me laugh to the things that have scared my heart.

I may not be perfect but I am……… perfectly broken just for you

You’ve taken all my pieces and your placing them right where you want them to be

Your turning me into who you’ve always wanted me to be

rather than who I’ve tried to be.

So today Lord

As I celebrate the gift of life

I want to thank you for

Creating me,

Loving me

and Most of all NEVER giving up on me.

I don’t have any Birthday wishes this year.   My only request is that if your going to say Happy Birthday please tell me something I’ve said or done that has touched your heart.

What do you think of….. when you think of me?

What is it that would remind you of me…… if I were to die tomorrow?

Please don’t wait till I’m gone to say the things you wish you’d said when I was alive.

Don’t save the best for last……..because it may never be heard.

And if you don’t know me then do this for someone you do know……..someone you love.

Don’t assume that they already know…….what if they don’t?

The greatest gift you can give someone on their Birthday is the knowledge that they are valuable, appreciated and loved for who they are.

Once a year everyone needs a little reminding of what it is that makes them special.

Anyone can say Happy Birthday! But only a friend can tell you what it is about you that cannot be replaced by another.

Remind them of their value and purpose, that is beyond what they can see.Birthday Quotes 1

So lets tell one another what it is that we enjoy about each other rather than assuming they know!

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God’s Dare

This year has turned out to be a very difficult one.  Back in January I could see the hurricane off the coast of my heart, having never seen one this size before I began to panic.  I did things and said things that probably didn’t make any sense but it was my desperate attempt to find answers to the questions spinning within my heart.  It was during this time as the winds of change were beating against my soul that God spoke to me so clearly it was as if he was sitting on the couch beside me.  Being the writer that I am, I instinctively picked up my journal and began to write out the words God tenderly spoke into my heart.

My Beloved,

I dare you to love me,

to follow me,

be an example of me,

to show others who I am through your actions.

No!  I won’t say that it will  be easy,

in fact it will be the hardest thing you do.

But don’t worry.

I will be there with you,

guiding your every step, opening and closing doors as you go.

The people who help you will be attacked,

some will prevail…… because they see me in you.

Some….. will walk away,

giving up the chance to see my glory.

I will redeem you… just as I’ve promised,

I will cradle you in my arms just as your heart longs to be.

No!

You are not crazy or weak minded, in fact you are the opposite.

The battle you fight is intense and you are strong,

do not be discouraged for I will lift you up.

I will carry the yoke for you.

Trust in me and let my love wash away your fears.

Real fears,

fears of past, present, and future.

I know the reality you face,

so step into  my love and grace,

experience the peace I have for you.

Remember……. you are mine and I am yours.

Nothing can take that away from you.

Sure,

you could walk away…. but I know you won’t,

I know this because I know your heart better than you do.

You do love me, believe in me and trust me with your whole being.

You may not feel like it but you are.

You need to believe you are everything I need you to be.

  Have faith in the unseen and know that my love washes over you,

cascading over every jagged rock in your heart,

I am making them smooth so you’ll shine like a diamond.

Strong enough to withstand everything yet crystal clear so people can see me in you.

You are my daughter, my bride, my love.

I love you more than you can conceive.

Don’t forget that in the struggles that lay ahead.

Your Father in Heaven

Written Feb 7,2013

My heart survived the first part of the hurricane and entered the eye of the storm.  Relieved I began to look at the damage left behind and attempted to make repairs before the rest of the storm arrived.  I did what I could to prepare for round two but to be honest I wasn’t looking so good.  I placed a smile on my face and picked up the motto “grin and bear it”.   I began chanting in my head ” I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!

The eye of the storm settled in and I discovered it can be quite deceiving.  The calmness can trick a person into thinking the storm has passed but a seasoned person knows the second round is inevitable, the only way out is to go through the swirling winds and rain again.  Waiting for its arrival, when the memory of swirling winds and drowning rain are fresh in your mind is torture.….I couldn’t handle the waiting game when I could see it coming.  I took off running headlong outside and threw myself into the wind and pelting rain.  I didn’t care how hurt I would be afterwards, I just wanted to get to the other side of the storm and I was going to fight my way there.  The winds of change have picked me up and I’m flying through the air now with common things turned deadly.  Open to the elements and exposed to the wrath of the storm I close my eyes and cry out to God “is it too late?”  I can’t go back that I know, but the fear has my eyes tightly closed because the sight before me is too much for my battered heart to take.  My self destructive nature has once more taken over.  I try to breathe as the lies spin me in circles.  I reach for something to grab onto and for a second I’ve got it.  Then the winds of doubt rip it from my grasp as I fight to keep my heart beating.  Trust God, Trust God I chant within me.  I open my eyes for a second and catch a glimpse of God through the storm,  He tells me “on purpose”.   On purpose!   I ponder in my mind its meaning.  Is it meant for me?  He knew I was going to run into the storm, He knew I couldn’t sit there and wait for what I saw was inevitable to happen.  He knew I would self destruct and take matters into my own hands to make it happen.  It was all on purpose!   He has a plan for me that I cannot see right now.  I remember his dare to me and the spoken words are what will carry me through the rest of this storm.  I don’t know who will be left standing beside me when its over but I do know my shattered heart is in his hands.

I’m not sure I believe redemption is possible for me here on earth….even when my feet touch the ground again.  I do believe that I will find it in heaven and no one can take that away from me.  I will not justify my reasons for running into the storm, nor will I let my scars define who I am when its all over.  I also will not allow the pain to cripple me but rather use it to fuel my passion to fight, not for me but for His PURPOSE!

Truth of My Heart

Dear God,

Here I am, I have nothing left within me, not even self-respect. 

Pain engulfs every facet of my being. 

Desires torture me endlessly.

  Please take them far away from me.

Why should I want, what I can never have?

You are all I can and should have.

It’s you and me bonded together for eternity.

Selfishness grips my soul and I long to kill all that is in me.  

  My sin is repulsive

How could I possibly be an example of you?

All I want is you…… but I keep falling short of your grace. 

You tell me who I am…. but I don’t see it.

I see an ugly, sinful, wounded heart. You see a whole, sinless, pure heart.

I can’t possibly be both. 

If I am to act like you see me and how you want me to be then I feel fake

as if I am deceiving to those around me.

  But if I am true to how I feel then no one should see me.

Pick me up and carry me please

Speak to me and guide my every step

Give me the words to say for I do not know the truth of my heart

The mirrors within me are but an illusion

I am lost and confused

I cannot find my way out

You though can save me,  cover me with your blood

Restore my heart and heal its brokenness

Protect my spirit so I may sing of your glory

Your daughter forever,

I don’t know where I’m going on this journey called life.  I’ve been told so many things lately and quite frankly I’m not sure I agree with any of them.  What I do know is that God loves me.  He hears my every cry and knows every pain of my heart.  No one will ever know me like he does.  God has met my needs most of the time by complete strangers who nothing of my story.  Their compassion for me amazes me every time.  I think God likes to do that so I know without a doubt that he is the one who meets my needs not the people around me who know my situation.  When I pray for something that no one else knows about and  God rises to meet that need my faith grows, not in people but in God.  When I tell people my pain or my needs I find myself looking to them to meet needs that no one other than God can possibly meet.  I know there are a lot of people who would disagree with this but if your listening to the spirit he will ask things of you that don’t make sense,  like stopping at a random house to see someone you don’t know so he can use you.  The number of times that I have spontaneously taken of my abundance and shared it with others has been countless.  I have had no knowledge of their need so when I find out later how much it really blessed them and how they were praying for it,  I am encouraged to keep stepping out for the sake of the call.  I don’t need people to know my pain in order for God to take care of me.  I just need to trust God and be real with him,  hiding nothing from him in the corners of my heart.

oh me. love.   # Pinterest++ for iPad #

I

To Know You

If to know you means

I must be broken

Then break me

For I long to know you more

It is in my brokenness that I see you

So I say “Bring it on”

I want to know you in the joy and in the pain

To know you in the good times and the bad

I want to know you inside and out like the palm of my hand

You are what I desire

You are what I need

Only you can Love me this way.

My Prayer This Morning Feb. 1,2013

 

Dear God,

Thank you for the many blessings you have given me.  Thank you in advance for meeting my needs which are so great at this moment.  I could list them all but you already know them.  My heart is groaning deep with in me.  Your word says that the Spirit you give me groans in behalf of my pain, interceding for me at the foot of your throne.  There are no words to describe the intensity of my life at this moment but you O’ Lord have endured all and know where I am.  So in you I will place my trust, in you I will place my hope, and that tiny little mustard seed of faith that I have is more than enough to move the mountains in my life.  Your word says the plans you have for me are good and they are not to hurt me.  I have called upon you and I trust you are listening to me.  I have sought you with all my heart and have found you every where.  So here I am waiting for you to carry me out of captivity,  bring me out of the exile I am in to your glory.  These are the promises  you have given me and the promises I am choosing to stand upon.

Thank you Lord

In Christ’s Love

Your Beloved Daughter

Perfect Love

God you never cease to amaze me.  The more I think that no one could love me, the more you show me just how much you love me through other people.  I’m not sure what I am feeling but perhaps maybe just maybe for the first time in my life I am experiencing what true love feels like.  Not a romantic love that world sees but the love that you have for us.  A love with no strings or expectations, a love with no judgement or condemnation.  A love that is overwhelming that there are no words to describe.  A love that if given to much could actually hurt us but you know exactly how much we can handle and dole it out in just the right amount.  Just enough to keep us wanting more but not so much that it shuts us down.  A perfect love that’s what it is.

Last night I had the courage to speak to a dear friend and discuss some boundaries and I thought for sure this would be goodbye.  It wasn’t and this person just exemplified to me your love in a way I hadn’t seen before.  My courage to speak the truth deepened our relationship rather than destroying it.  That is something I’ve never experienced before.  I am not sure where you are going with my life but one thing I am sure of is I am following you and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me.

This week you dropped $1500 in my lap just in time for me to have my dental work done.  I had no idea how I was going to pay for it but you heard my need and provided at the right time.  I am beginning to see your hand actively at work in my life.  Each morning I get up wondering what you have in store for me.  Where will my God lead me today? How will he use me to touch the lives of those around me?  For the first time I really want to live not for me but for you.  I understand now.  Funny how I thought I understood before but looking  back I realize just how little I understood.  Now I wonder just how much I still don’t understand.  I know though that you Lord will reveal everything in the right time.

Until next time I will rest in your peace,

Love,

Your beloved daughter