Today has been rough for me, I’m exhausted and my heart aches inside.
I’m sitting here with my computer listening to the drizzle of the rain outside my window. Yesterday I watched as another casket was lowered into the ground. I listened as they gave a 21 gun salute for a man who was there on D-Day to served our country. Five funerals….. that’s how many I counted off the top of my head as I stood there. Five funerals in the last 2 years. That’s a lot!
Tomorrow is my Birthday and I really don’t want to celebrate. A friend asked me why yesterday and all I could think of was “why celebrate?” To me its just another year of blood, sweat and tears gone by, another year closer to the day I die,
Really? What am I celebrating?
I suppose I’m celebrating life. The opportunity to live rather than die. But what does that mean?
So I wonder am I really living and what am I living for?
I know what I’m supposed to say and supposed to think………but what is the truth?
What am I really living for?
Are my reason’s selfish?
Perhaps they are….am I living for my kids? To give them a better life than I had and to teach them about God.
Is that really why I’m living? Well it’s not enough…… at least not for me. I can think of several people in my mind who could do a better job than I could at raising my kids. So what exactly am I living for?
It’s been 2 years since I first started this post.
I can now honestly say that I have an answer to that question and its not simply what I know I should say…. it IS what I am truly living for. It is the purpose that keeps me going when everything else falls through.
I used to believe that being a Christian meant that I would be persecuted and that I would face trials. While this is true I also believed that it wasn’t until I reached heaven that would experience true joy, love, peace and happiness. I didn’t see these things as things I could count on obtaining here on earth.
What I now believe to be true is that believing in God means that I have the power to claim his promises for joy, love, peace and happiness here on earth while I’m still living. I don’t have to wait till I get to heaven. I have the power now to change my circumstances and I have a Father who loves me even in my brokenness. I am his cherished beloved daughter and with that comes the ability to stand before him and claim his blessings. I’ve seen God move mountains for me when I pray and I’ve witnessed first hand how I can speak things into existence with faith in a God who desires to give me all good things NOW not later.
All he asks of me is to trust him with the knowledge that he knows what is good for me and be patient with his timing knowing it will be perfect.
This is where I discovered my propose for living. To have a relationship with a God who loves me more than I can comprehend which enables me to have the opportunity to see other broken people in this world and speak life into them. This brings change and freedom to those who are trapped in this massive web of lies our culture endorses.
I’ve discovered that having the opportunity and ability to witness God work his miracles in other peoples lives so that they can be free and experience the joy I have……Is Priceless!
Before I go…
I don’t want to be misleading…… but just so you understand my life is not all roses and I do still experience persecution and trials. I still feel pain and I still bleed but the difference is…….. now I have HOPE.
Hope that with Christ I can overcome, change and rise above anything that comes my way. If I’m still breathing than there is purpose because I have found a hope that can never be stolen. I have a peace that passes all understanding and a love for others that the world cannot recognize.
A love that never runs out…….